It looks like God has plans for me, but I am not sure I am ready for them. But when it comes to God and his plans, as always He knows better than I. The simple fact that God has plans for me should be an indication that I need to step up my game, and find the courage and strength to do as God wants. But that is not always easy!
God seems to feel that I am the perfect person to take change of youth that need caring for. Over the past 15 years or so I have had one youth or another living in my home. Each having their own special needs. Not as in they are special needs youth, such as a handicap or anything, just youth that need a place to stay a little love and understanding. I am able, for the most part to provide that, but I also have my own issues and needs, that often times need to be checked and re-checked.
This past weekend God seemed to think that I needed yet another youth, to accompany the one I currently have. Not to sure why, but it is not for me to question Gods master plan, it is for me to just go along with it all, playing that I do not mess it all up.
I love youth and I love caring for them, but at times it can become overwhelming, especially for someone who has not children of their own, and who was never married. So it is just me and the youth.
I love them all, each in their own way, and I must admit, each have helped to make me the person I am today, be it for good or bad. I would like to think it is all for good, but I am a realist and know that from this some bad has come.
The current addition to my household is going to test my abilities to the fullest. He is a smart young man who feels the world is there to serve him, and him alone. He is a good-natured kid who has something to prove to the world, and being a tough man is the way he wants to prove it. He is looking for love, in all the wrong places (sorry about using such an over used line). He wants to be loved, but finds it hard to love back, so sex with anyone replaces what he is looking for. As U2 would sing “I still havent found what I am looking for”, that is his motto, and one I feel he will be singing for some time.
I love this young man, and know that he can become a solid member of the family and society, if he choose to. But that’s just it, he has to choose it, I can only offer the support and stability he needs.
His first night was not an easy one for him, I made him go through all his outfits, and donate any that did not fit. He is a sagger, likes to wear his pants down low, I do not allow that in my house, so anything that did not fit his correctly went. He was not happy about it, but he did as he was told. But this will be hard for him, hard because he has to choose to do the right thing and be himself, not be what others wish him to be.
Yes I know, some of you are thinking that by me making him donate his saggers, that I am making him become what I want him to be. Nope, I am making him decide how badly he wants to change, how badly he wants to grow up…
When he asked me if he could move in I told him yes, but there are a few simple rules:
- No sagging
- No skipping School
- No sex
- No drugs
- No Drinking
- No lieing
simple rules, lied out prior to him wanting to move in. He accepted,so now I am challenging him to follow… It’s going to be an interesting ride, that is for sure.
I have to trust in God and His wisdom, I must have faith that God would not give me more than I can handle, so I look at this new adventure with both excitement and caution. I am excited to help and make a positive change in this young mans life, but I am also sacred, scared that I can not do it or that I may cause more problems for this young man. But in the end I trust in God. I have faith that God will grant me the wisdom I need and the strength I lack. Only time will tell.
Life is funny that way…
The simple fact is he needs me and I need him, and with Gods grace we will make it through. Please pray for me and him. Pray that Gods graces will fill him with the desire to grow and change, and that I, in my fallen state, will do no harm.