Well I did it, I told my youth that I would not be returning next year. Last night was the last small group session (class room) that we have for the year, the rest of the year is large group (youth group) sessions. So I wanted to be the one to tell them I would not be returning, that it is time for me to move on. And all-in-all I did ok.
It is a hard thing to leave something you love, something that you hold dear to your heart, but it is a good for all when you know it’s time to leave. God is calling me in different directions, or so I think, in truth I can not be sure if it is God or me, but I am praying that it was God’s call I am responding to.
It seems to me that the time has come for me to turn the page and start a new chapter in my life. Sure it was hard last night, and tears did well up for me, and I had second and third and forth thoughts about it all, but in the end I feel that I am responding to God’s call for me.
In truth it was one of the hardest things I had ever done, saying good bye to my kids, yes I look at all of them as my kids. I have seen many of them grow up to be fine young men and woman. It is sort of like I am leaving my kids, running away from them, and that hurts.
As I told them I was leaving I held my self tight, giving myself a hug of reassurance, and in my mind I was telling my self that I needed to let them go, to allow them and the program to grow beyond me. Be that as it may, it was still a hard thing to do. I felt empty inside and some what like I was running away from them, leaving them and letting them down.
But once again I am trusting that I am following God’s plan, he is taking me in a different direction, leading me to a whole new life in ministry. And if not, than I will be in for a rocky ride as I try to navigate back to where I belong.
In the end the question of where I belong is what we are all trying to find out, God has a plan for me, God knows where I belong, now it is up to me to find it.
Good bye’s are hard, but sometimes it is the hard things in life that make us better humans, gives us deeper insights and allows us to better understand the universe we are in.