Love of self

All too often we feel that we can love others with out love of self, and that is totally wrong, love of self is the only true authentic love there is.


Jesus called us to radical change, that is true, but he still loved us for who we where. We see this in the bible all over the place. He dinned with some of the biggest sinners around, some of his followers where huge sinners, sure they changed, they converted, but Jesus loved them before just as much as he loved them after the change.


The difference is that the sinners learned to love themselves as Jesus loved them; That was the radical change, not Jesus’ love for them, but there love for themselves.


To me, it seems that love of self has to come first, and from all I read in the bible and books written on it, Jesus would agree with me. Now I am not presuming that I know the mind of Jesus, but it just seems to make perfect sense.


How can I offer myself to others if I do not like myself? It would be like offering your dinner guest a meal that you hate. How much love can you truly put in to it?  Sure you may prepare it perfectly, and sure you may make it for all the right reasons, but your heart just was not in to it. The same can be said for our relationships, I may put all my heart in to it, I may come off as authentic, but in truth something is missing.


The missing ingredient is the same in both, what is missing is the authentic self, the inner part that makes it truly from you.


Love of self is not a dinner party, and relationships are not meal planning, but the image works, for me at least.


Love of self is the first ingredient needed to create an authentic love for others, no matter who it is, or what kind of love it is. We can only give others what we ourselves have. So how can we give others love, if we have none? Sure we can go through the motions, but is it truly authentic love or a carbon copy of it?


Jesus’ biggest lesson to all of us is the lesson of self love. Now some of you may not like what I am going to say next, but hold on and hear me out…


Jesus dying on the cross was an act of self love.


Now how can that be, you may be asking… Well here you go…


We all know and we all understand that the death of Christ was a total act of self-giving. That goes with out saying. But, consider this, if Jesus had no love of self, what sacrifice would that have been?


With out self-love, the death of Christ would have meant nothing. I would have been nothing more the suicide. Killing one self is not an act of love, but to offer your own life for others you must love the offering.


We all have received gifts from others that had no love behind them, and the gift does not have the same meaning. I have received such kinds of gifts before, and no matter how nice, it just really has not meaning, I have no attachment to it, on the other side, I have received the worst gift ever, and have treasured them because of the love they where given with.


Jesus had great love of self, and in offering himself up, he offered the greatest love anyone could.


Love of self is the only true authentic love we can have, besides the love of God, but we can not have authentic love of self with out love of God and the reverse is also true, we can not have authentic love of God with out authentic love of self. They both are related, you could say, is someway they both are the same, that love of self is love of God, and the love of God is love of self.



About Paul Sposite

Paul Sposite - Life Coach I began my career as an instructor. As an instructor there are two basic requirements. You have to know yourself, so you know where you’re drawing your inspiration from. And you have to actively listen to the others, and then respond to the subtext of what they are saying. In learning about myself I started to focus a lot on my students, how they learned, what questions they were asking and how I could best modify my methods to best serve them. I believe that if you use your real life problems/issues as insights to the issues you need to heal, you’ll grow. From my experience in the classroom, creating curriculum and material to support my training, I developed an interest in how people process information. This interest turned into my interest in Life Coaching.
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6 Responses to Love of self

  1. Theresa says:

    I understand but disagree (no big surprise there). Yes, love of self must happen before one can truly love another and God. But to say its the ONLY AUTHENTIC love? It is the necessary foundation but love other and love of God can be AUTHENTIC as well. Maybe you want to use a different word then “Authentic”

  2. Paul Sposite says:

    I disagre, because we can not truly love oterhs, if we do not love ourselves. How can we give, what we do not have?

  3. Theresa Lisiecki says:

    You didn’t respond to what I am disagreing with. I agree with the use of the word ONLY

  4. Paul Sposite says:

    The word ONLY is correct, becuse I am using it to establish that you MUST have self love to have Authentic Love, so with out self love you can not have Authentic Love, so it is the ONLY Authentic Love.

  5. Russ says:


    I am not a Catholic but I would like to respond to your post if you will have me. I would like to suggest something that you may not have considered.

    The Bible never tells us to love ourselves. The reason that the Bible never tells us to love ourselves is because God knows that we already love ourselves too much. Listen to this verse:

    …you shall love your neighbor as yourself. [Matt 22:39]

    Jesus didn’t say, “learn to love yourself, then you can love your neighbor”. He said to, “love your neighbor as love yourself”. In other words, we already love ourselves plenty.

    Just look at the lives we live. Nearly everything we do is for ourselves. We feed, clothe, and bathe ourselves everyday. We want the latest for ourselves. The latest clothes, songs, cars – you name it – it is all about me.

    Let me share something even more shocking. The Bible actually tells us to hate our own lives:

    If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. [Luke 14:26]

    I would like to know your thoughts on what I have shared – and thanks for listening!

  6. Paul Sposite says:


    Your comments are always welcomed…

    I think what you are missing is that i am talking about an authentic love, not a selfishness love.

    Love of self means offering self. Jesus tells us so in his suffering death and resurection.

    We are by nature selfish, that is not love of self that is love of ego…

    I am talking about a love that God ha for us, a love that Jesus has for us, that is love of self we need.

    Once again thanks for the feed back, and I hope i cleared it a little.


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